Real talk on being real: nonbinary edition
I noticed something a while back: a lot of people got real fucken weird when I came out as nonbinary.
I mean yeah, there was a lot of the shit that you would expect from this sort of thing: the casual transphobia started real quick, both from people that I don’t know in person and from people who I would have thought would do better about this kind of thing. Family members got weird initially; some friends were confused; people from the job where I was working were…to put it frankly, they were terrible. That was an experience that I hope to never go through again, that’s for sure.
But the worst, I have to say, came from people that I thought would have been better about it.
I remember an old friend who thought that I’d ‘changed’ since starting to navigate the space between racce and gender. He got weirdly aggressive about both–but the thing that stood out the most was when he told me that I’d ‘changed’ somehow since I’d ‘become’ nonbinary, and implied that it was a decision that I’d made, as if being the way that I am is some kind of frivolous choice that I’d made. He did a lot of running around in circles before I finally got ticked at him for that nonsense–after which he flounced out and blocked me on Facebook. And yes, he was in fact a cis whyte gay man–that most visible member of the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
It was a preview of what I was going to be dealing with going forward.
I did not and do not want to even try to fit into that little binary box. I’ve been crammed in it long enough thank you very much–I didn’t fight my way out of it just to step back into it for cis people’s comfort.
If you’re uncomfortble with the idea of nonbinary people:
- that’s a YOU problem;
- you need to work on that
- we’re not in charge of your comfort level;
- we’ve been around as long as civilization, just like you;
- and you definitely need to do some research and get comfortable with the idea that we’re around, and have been around for a long
It’s not our job to make you feel good, cis people. Please educate yourselves about nonbinary people, stop trying to be edgy and funny (you’re neither), and for the love of fuck, decolonize your thinking. A lot of this rage and intolerance is because of deeply whitewashed, colonized thinking–and by this point, we should be over that shit.