I found myself in need of a sabbatical due to unforseen circumstances over the last few days. I’ve been asked if I’ve been hearing voices more times than I care to count up, and put on a veritable cocktail of medicines that, at long last, seem to be allowing my poor, frazzled mind to heal up from this exhaustive stress. After the fifth time, I seriously thought of answering, “I’m a writer—I worry if I don’t hear the voices.” (…You know what I mean by this.) But I wanted to get home in time for something nifty, and so I answered the standard, sane-person way.
But I DID have some interesting answers. In ascending order, the top ten list of Bad Loony Bin answers!
|10.||“Huh? I thought it was just me.”|
|9.||“No fair hogging George!”|
|8.||“I wonder if he likes string cheese?”|
|7.||“Of course I hear the voices. They think you’re hot.”|
|6.||“I wasn’t listening, I was on a conference call with three dead presidents and a mule.”|
|5.||“I don’t know, let me ask the lawyer in my head. …he says no.”|
|4.||“I wish I didn’t! They’re talking over the movie!”|
|3.||“Yeah, it’s Disembodied Voice Idol, and Disembodied Randy Jackson is WAAAY too soft. SHOW SOME SPINE ALREADY!”|
|2.||“Nope—less voices, more cowbell.”|
|1.||“I think the real question is—do the voices hear you?“|
*Disclaimer: If you use these, I am not responsible for the length of your extended stay in the bin. I will be fully responsible for the “I told you so” moment, though.