For instance, after getting out of the doctor’s office today—a few bad bouts of dissociation; not knowing where I am and how I got there is starting to get REALLY FREAKIN’ OLD—I made a trip to the pharmacy. It took forever to get the prescription in—X goes wrong, Y doesn’t fix it, Z asks if I can have more time, and P, D, and Q all decide that they ALL have to get this done right here and right now and could I please sit back down and drink my goddamn tea wait as they get the prescription ready, please and thank you.


Rather than sit down I walked a couple laps around the store and landed in the bread aisle. My target: these gorgeous pretzel buns. They have a wonderful sepia coloration, with vibrant cream-colored slashes in the top of the bun, making an ‘X’ across the top. Advertised as ‘a tasty blend of salty and sweet,’ I decided to give them a shot as a test kitchen project. And since my meds were STILL not ready, I checked out those items to wait.


It wasn’t until I got outside that I could taste the bread—conveniently (or maybe because of hitsuzen) the bag had fallen open, spilling one bun out into the grocery bag, the plastic conveniently forming a flexible hotbox and concentrating the delectable aroma. If you asked me, I couldn’t really describe it—it was pretzel-y but bready at the same time, and smelled pastry-sweet without being pastry—a quick poke and you KNEW you were dealing with bread, not pastry. I ripped off a corner of the bottom, took a whiff—my first mind was “Where’s the yeast smell?” I tasted the surface—it tasted like a pretzel, vaguely bittersweet, and with a tang I can only describe as baking soda (vital in the making process, actually). Yep. This was a pretzel.


It was high time I took an actual BITE of the thing. My teeth were greeted by this soft, springy surface, a wheaty-sweet taste that didn’t taste like bread—only like soft, soft pretzel with a sweet finish.


When I get home I nuke the remainder of the roll—the sweet smell intensifies, and the entire bun is SO soft, I almost think the microwave was moist somehow—it wasn’t—and taste that. The flavor is stronger, sweeter, and the roll is so soft it almost feels like biting into a marshmallow. I finish it off with a schmear of Benecol. January now has a project. It is—


“I’mma make this.” *pins a little Quinn’s Kitchen flag into one of the remaining rolls*


*crickets chirp*


…as I said, I do strange things when I am bored.

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