Today I have done something ill advised.
I got drunk.
Drunk as hell
In fact, I don’t really remember having ever been quite this drunk before.
Wait— that’s a lie— there was once— I wound up toasting in Enochian.
Then I threw up. It wasn’t the most elegant day.
What led to today’s exercise really wasn’t the best of events. They were a series of night terrors, a bunch of things that I really don’t like to talk about, because it’s a whole bunch of wobbly amorphous gender (Generic disgusted noise) that for the most part is really hard to verbalize because there really aren’t that many people I can talk about it with. In fact I’m really surprised the dictation on my android is handling this this well because, let’s be honest, I. Am. Drunk. As. Fuck.
Right now, I have to be.
It’s really the only way I can get this out without falling apart.
And when there’s days when falling apart is almost the only thing you’re capable of doing what else you gonna do but get really high or really drunk and just scream into the formless void, where you pray somebody’s going to say something or offer something, or at least acknowledge that they know something about what you’re going through?
There aren’t that many. I know there are not many. And I know the ones that are out there, they’re probably not going to speak up, because there is just that much backlash, and to speak up could mean death, or designer, or just a bunch of things that are just, a whole mess of things that they just can’t deal with.
It’s why it’s really been so long since I’ve kind of really been here. There’s just all this that I have to work out, & I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know how to go about it.
I’m kind of lost on everything.
Guess that’s kind of what it’s about.
Or I don’t know anything at all.
I guess we’ll just have to see.