I can’t hear a damn thing out of my right ear. It’s like my entire head is a set of headphones with one side out.
I fucking hate when that happens. It makes me dizzy.
Now imagine if that’s YOUR HEAD.
In the morning I’m going to the clinic if this hasn’t cleared up. I need my ears.
My cat, Ion, went missing.
I’m so worried about her.
She’s not equipped to be out there. She’s so round. She’s not the best hunter. I’ve seen kitty treats thwart her.
What if she doesn’t come back?
One of the more interesting symptoms of my mental illness is that I have hallucinations.
Well, had—my meds were finally adjusted to keep those in check.
But the interesting thing about them was that they were…just like, bats.
They didn’t really do much besides… well, be bats. They just hung around. Everywhere. Sometimes one would get too close to my face and I’d flinch. Try explaining that to Joe Passerby.
Adjusting to life without the bats was strange. I’d gotten to a point where I couldn’t remember life without bats. But they went, and I was free.
Peripheral vision was suddenly actually something useful, at least.
I still have flashbacks to the day I woke up, in my stepmother’s house, to the accusations of theft from the pantry. I was wasting away at the time, a dangerous ninety something pounds. My stepsiblings were getting plumper and plumper. I was whipped with a belt in the laundry room while forced to hold the hanging bar, dissociation keeping me from giving that woman the satisfaction of a vivid pain reaction.
Every time I am around her, I remember this day.
I haven’t trusted her completely since that day.
Even on the days when we partake, a faint part of my mind remembers it. It’s engraved in my mind. When I’m around her, my guard just stays up.
It’s in the front of my mind because the anniversary of the beating is coming—
That’s right. I was lashed like a thief on my birthday.
The thoughts are…intrusive. I’m trying to get rid of them. It’s not working.
I can feel the impact points on my back, still.
I work in a hotel.
You see some things, working in a hotel. Drugs, alcohol, needles, diapers of all stripes, mayonnaise on the ceiling (don’t ask, I still haven’t figured that one out). There’s rarely a truly dull day. Today I was making my last bed when I stubbed my toe on something very solid. “Somebody leave a weight?” I mutter, reaching down, picking up the thing and
OH BOY WHOO-WHEE THAT IS MOST CERTAINLY A GAT BOY I TELL YOU, YES INDEED THAT IS A FIREARM, IT IS, THAT IS INDEED A GUN
“Shit!” I say, very wisely NOT dropping the very possibly loaded piece as I decide to call my boss on the phone.
“I might’ve slightly found a gun.”
“DO NOT MOVE. We’ll be up.”
We spend about eight minutes gawking at it before looking up the records and then confirming that yes, we need to call the cops and yes, I’m going to have to give a statement.
Never a dull day there…