Another cash panic…

10:31 PM.

The sudden call from the gastroenterologist was…less than welcome. That bill hanging over my head makes me more than a little nervous. I do not need my treatment cut off. So I impulsively, panickedly, set up a payment plan using money that I may not actually have. The impulse was not all folly–it was set something up or it goes into collection, my account goes into bad standing, and my health…I don’t want to think about it. I’ll take any help I can get.

I have a good feeling my money for payday is already spent, throwing the idea that I had for a business venture out the window.

Speaking of the window, there go the gunshots, and my meds are kicking in. Despite the terror that is the rent and this bill, I’ll sleep deep.

Gotta Hand It To Me???

I’ve developed a very annoying problem since stopping a couple meds in the last few months.

It began life as a plain ol’ twitch—the thumb on my left hand would just sort of tick-tock back and forth once in a while, and I’d just have to ignore it for a while until it stopped. For a while, that went away, and I figured I’d be done with the problem.

Except now I have a weirder, more painful problem.

Instead of a periodic tick-tock twitch in the thumb, now sometimes, the entire thumb—and sometimes, the whole damn hand—sometimes just…fists up.


I’ll be going about the usual business, when suddenly, there’ll be a series of painful stabbing sensations in the hand, and the thumb will just…snap into my palm, like I’m attempting to make a fist but a couple steps in the middle get missed. On bad days, the thing goes to the entire hand, and I could be in the middle of writing an entry—like this one—and the hand just slaps shut like a…hm. Uh.

Ya know, that simile was going somewhere at one point. The point is, the hand just suddenly goes WHAM shut, completely independent of me trying to do anything with it. In fact, in the course of writing this, the thumb has done that seven times, and the entire hand twice.

It’s gotten common enough that I routinely forget to bring it up to my doctor. You’d think “AUTO-FIST FUNCTION ON HAND ENABLED WITHOUT PERMISSION” would hit priority, but it slips my mind…until I’m doing something that requires the fine control on that hand and suddenly I’ve just squashed the thing because my hand’s turned into a fleshy mousetrap.

MOUSETRAP! THAT was the simile that I was trying to remember earlier. Ah-DOY.

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Money Marchin' In…and Out…

In case you couldn’t tell, my table-making skills have gotten a bit rusty—that thing up there is UGLY. But that’s not the point.

In case you couldn’t tell from the last entry in that list, the bill from the time I got shot came in. In case you ALSO couldn’t tell, there is no way in fucking hell. It’s been knocked down a bit—my insurance pays a little bit of it each month, which is apparently why my prescriptions are variable in cost now—but THAT BILL just got sent to me and there is just No Freaking Way™ that is happening, barring some kind of miracle occurring and me getting this job after all.

So I’m ignoring it. What are they going to do, confiscate my damaged nerves? DO me that favor, you whoresons—maybe I’ll be able to work well enough to pay you back one day…HAHAHAHAHAH…aaah.

The phone’s through already. It seems to go through on different days each month.

The lights…the 20th or my taxes come in, whichever comes first, I start making payments on it.

The good news is, I did manage to strongarm my internet bill down. But I may or may not have that new job.


Oh, hilarious true story.

I got a notification today that I got into the Google Glass thing—as long as I was on that list I’m like WOO A CHANCE TO TEST DRIVE THIS THING YEAH BETA

Nope. I would’ve needed a MINIMUM of $1500 USD to get started.

So nerdy dream totally deferred, there.

I’ve avoided looking at the options there because I don’t want to give myself a bad case of gear envy. I’ve been lusting after this thing for months, too, thinking how AWESOME it’d be to have my own set of HUD-glasses and crap, testing it out and stuff and dealing with the beta but still, LOOK HOW AWESOME, and then LOOK AT THE COST.

Oh well. Guess I’ll wait until I have another shot at a second job.

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Content-related announcement.

Actual content–interesting things, 100 Things, challenges, fic, original content, basically me NOT being a reclusive dick–will return on Saturday, October 19th.

Why then?

That’s a day after I get back from my NEXT doctor’s appointment.

The fact is, things keep getting worse. My leg has flared to the point where it feels just like the beginning, the muscle having wasted to the point where it is visibly thinner than the other leg. My arms and legs are a searing, burning pain throughout half of the day, my eyes are a painful, scrapey mess, and–the most annoying thing right now–motherfucking ESTROGEN. My brain is so scrambled, it’s like the brainzaps are the norm now and sudden bursts of clarity are the brainzaps now. Friday, I’m hoping to get some answers. Right now, the act of physically positioning my body into positions that work to write is INCREDIBLY painful.

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Doctor, doctor, ain't got no news…yet

I know I’ve been a little antisocial lately, so here’s a friendly fennec fox to break the ice.

Anyway, I got to the doctor today, and told him that yes, I want the Topamax for my migraines because it’s making me functional; yes, I know that it’s not a good idea to take medicines prescribed to someone else; yes, I was taking the risk anyway because otherwise I was intentionally overdosing myself into a torpor to get a modicum of rest; and yes, I know there would be bloodwork involved and GUESS WHAT, I’m already fasting so come at me doc-bro.

I also explained the annoying as hell blisters that I’m getting in my mouth, the odd lesion/laceration that’s cut its way around and into my cheek outside in, the weird-ass blisters and raw areas, the total numbness that my feet and arms are getting, and the fact that three hours of last Saturday went missing. Oh, and the stupid knee, and waking up and my leg being as responsive as a log.

We’re looking at a couple forms of anemia to be the GOOD!bad news that we find. I say that because the OTHER thing that everything matches up with IS IN FACT LUPUS and we’re doing all this blood work to actively attempt to rule THAT out.

I’m thinking protein shake then bed.

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