Stick.


Confession: I will probably stick to those clicker lancets, because frankly even they make me jumpy. I recoil at standard lancets. It’s the visible needle. I have this thing with needles. If I can’t see the needle, I’m ok, but if I can see it then good luck.

I specifically ask doctors and med techs to not let me see the needles when there is a needle necessary. Of course, there’s a weird thing where I can taste some needles when they go in. (I can’t explain it, it’s always been a thing.)

Though I’m not diabetic or prediabetic, a work doctor a while back advised me to keep track of my blood sugar, after I had a hypoglycemic event in the office. It was confirmed by my doctor later on: I have nonreactive hypoglycemia.

Confounding Factor: My meds spike my levels artificially. So I have to keep an eye on THAT. The same meds also crash it.

So, at different times of the day, I have to determine if my malaise is general fatigue, the fibro, or if my blood sugar has just cratered. Usually it’s a combination of the second two and a cup of sugar coffee and an apple fixes things.

But first, I have to brace for that little stick…

Cluster headache? Meet Zappy. 

I don’t know what this brain symbol means but boy howdy is this setting doing wonders on my pain. 
Today, I tried doing research on TENS machines and chronic pain. I could barely find anything newer than ten years ago, and a lot of it was speculation. It’s like they haven’t been doing any research at all. Maybe they haven’t. 
I can believe that. 
But what I know is that during physical therapy for my crap knee, I was connected to one of those giant versions of these for a different purpose — trying to get the muscles to get active and stop this silly wasting nonsense they’ve developed (they have not; I’m on a specific diet to help that now). Instead I got intense pain relief. So I got my own secondhand device. And now, this one. 
I’ve heard things like “the jury is still out,” or “we don’t know,” and even “that’s dangerous outside of the hospital.” It was actually the hospital that recommended this, when they saw this worked better than the NSAID that I was on a stomach-melting dose of. 
Today, instead of a recalcitrant leg, I’ve got electrodes glued to my face, fighting a cluster headache. It comes back on a schedule, but this keeps it back from rendering me nonfunctional — ridiculous though I may look. The machine is small but mighty. I would love to see more science, because I like knowing how cool things like this work. 
Right now though, I gotta reset my timer and intensity. I like not having a headache. 

Insult AND Injuries

So, the OB went looking for the mass and almost knocked me out, right? And he says that if the thing gets removed we might lose that ovary but do you realize there’s also a fucking hernia here

And I’m like “ask again later when I’m not seeing lightning bolts?”

Five minutes later in the room with the books he literally goes down the textbook and

Yeah

It’s also probably already INCARCERATED even and he’s gonna kill my GP for missing it last month before it got here.

___

He doesn’t think it’s the mass causing the pain—in fact after the pelvic almost knocked me out, he was positive. It was why he went through the book and looked at the signs of a hernia (after I’d recovered enough to answer his questions) actually. We’re going to need more exams to see if the thing is benign or something else, but the fact is this thing is kicking from one side to the other in my guts along a hernia scar that is literally the same age as me—the hernia that was repaired in it is older (I WASN’T BORN YET).

___

It gets better/worse: we are having a fuck of a time finding a surgeon who takes my HMO.

Literally my best chance is to blow this thing at work and wind up in the hospital from there.

So yeah, this kinda sucks.

Weighing (literally) the pros and cons of the meal.

image

Hold on to me tightly, I'm a sliding scale

So I’ve noticed that the worst of my stomach isn’t what I eat, it’s the physical weight of it. So in addition to the food tracking app I use I’ve been weighing everything I eat.

No, I’m not backsliding.

I’m making sure I get enough in me before my gut declares “HAHA FUCK YOU” and puts me out for several hours.

Again.

The interesting thing about the tracking app is when I logged on, I got a pop up.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU NEED TO EAT THERE’S LIKE 1200 CALORIES YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN INTO YOUR SYSTEM TO JUST KEEP ALIVE YOU IDIOT! GO EAT, YOU FOOL!*

*Paraphrasing. Of course an app called My Fitness Pal wouldn’t launch at me like that.

So I’ve very carefully crafted a smaller, lighter version of one of my more famous sandwiches to eat. Not bad on timing: there’s meds coming.

The morning call off was well decided. They may have sent me back to the ER. And I would not have blamed them. The interesting fact I got out of today was that you can drink a 17 oz iced coffee and if you’re going to faint or pass out, it’ll give you just enough time to say “You know, I’ve think I need a second to lie down” but not enough to actually do it right. You thud. Quite inelegantly.

It feels like falling asleep backwards. You went down too fast, and it’s like the blinds are going up but letting in darkness instead. A creeping exhaustion sets in, and you either you panic, or there’s this strange sense of relief.

You don’t come to like you do from sleep. There is nothing but confusion. Where am I? What day? Did I oversleep?

I missed most of my meals in that blank out. But I’m making sure I eat now. My alarms are set and I’m making sure I get my strength back.

Oh… And if y’all DO catch me backsliding, permission to hit me upsides my fool head granted.