GENTLY CARESS, AM I BEHIND OR WHAT?
(Expletives Bowdlerized for your amusement today).
I stopped to do a word count last night and got a good look at the par numbers, and before I could do anything else I’d dropped a nice-sized “OH, GENTLY CARESS ME” bomb, staring at a deficit of ABOUT 12K WORDS.
I didn’t even have to think too hard about what the gently caress had happened since I already knew—it was the gawrsh-danged neuropathy, making it too hard to move or type on several days. So many behind days.
And then there’s work. We finally get hours out of nowhere and it’s like a gauntlet, and I have absolutely no idea how I’m supposed to deal with this level of exertion at the same time that my own dang body is trying to send me to heck in a bicycle basket.
So I’m buckling down for a WORD SPRINT today.
…as long as nothing goes wrong, such as dropping another gently caressing glass of coconut milk on the computer…
We are halfway through the month, and I am less than halfway through where I should be at this rate. I have fallen behind, thanks in no small part to the machinations of my peripheral neuropathy dealing incredible damage to my hands. But I’ve begun to see if I can get the catching up part of this done. I’m making a point of it to NOT have my word count total visible, as when I actually LOOK at the totals, I start to freak out. As of this writing right here…I have no idea how I am doing.
And now, back to the grind. I REALLY want to make it Four Times.
I’m sitting here on the edge of my bed, glasses off, and half blind. Food is starting to make me feel sick as a dog, but that is because the only caffeine I have taken since validating my word count was the caffeine that woke me up from my ill stupor earlier—a head-cold has had me groggy, sick to my guts, and woozy most of the day. I don’t plan on taking more caffeine besides what’s in my medications and vitamins.
I’m reading a book that I downloaded from the Nook store almost immediately after finishing the validation count. It’s kind of a bookend moment—it’s the second book in the series that was the last thing I read for pleasure before the competition started. (In fact, here’s my review of that one.)
It feels good to be reading again, feeling the squee at the moments where I really notice how many scantily-clad pretty boys there are, the heat of the romance (surprisingly, in a het pairing), and the laugh-out-loud moments that are liberally sprinkled through Heroine Protagonist Rae Wilder’s journey.
I feel so good reading and I stop to think, then, that I hope that my own writing has the same effects on some readers out there. I know that there will invariably be the “I HATED THIS AND DIDN’T EVEN FINISH IT” sorts, but I know that there will be other readers who react as enthusiastically as I am now to this book that I am reading now.
I…am going to have one HELL of a time adjusting to the sudden reduction in caffeine intake. I spent most of this November neck-deep in either a bottle of energy drink (most of it Sodastream, half a litre at a time [?!]), an espresso, a restaurant coffee drink, or in a few cases a bottle of caffeine pills, violently throwing my way shoulders through in the long stretch of time that the ink was flying around. Several times I thought that I wouldn’t make it—there wasn’t enough time, there weren’t enough words, there wasn’t enough CAFFEINE—and then, working on a fight scene, validating the count after every few paragraphs…I win.
I make it.
I didn’t want to put my hands to a keyboard for the next few months. I didn’t even want to celebrate my victory—premature as it is, the story isn’t done, not by a long shot—and I didn’t want to look at WORDS.
…then I realized that I could read. I could read for fun.
Like everyone else.
I’m going to resume reading now, probably put together a bottle of plain seltzer because the caffeine withdrawal nausea is HELL right now…but diving into a story that another writer put together, pouring her effort, time, frustrations, and joy into it…I remember why I want to do this in the first place.
I’m going back to my reading, icing my aching head.
I can keep writing AFTER the caffeine withdrawal wears off.